I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They have beer where we have blood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
