I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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