i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
