babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
