sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
