I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
