he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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