I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
