so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
