Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
