The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
