I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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