Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
