Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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