take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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