I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
