Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
