she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
