if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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