Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
