Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
