A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So much rum. So many feels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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