Your tits are I can't wait for
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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