i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
