Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
