U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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