its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize