p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
