you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
