It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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