so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
