if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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