Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
