dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
