it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
