i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
