either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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