Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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