After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
