I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
