Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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