Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can I color on your dick again?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
