i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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