She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
