I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
