So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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