where am i from again
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
