my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
