my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
