I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Girls should come with a carfax report
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
