Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just pee around me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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