I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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