OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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