he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
