i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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