i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
