Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The power of my boobs compel you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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