just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Vodka?
Forever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
