I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
