Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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