Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
