I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
