Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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