Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
