So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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