thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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