If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
