u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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