do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
