He uses pillows to masturbate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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