it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
