maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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