battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
