turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We got so high we made milksteak
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
